How therapy helps

Working on our Thoughts using CBT technique

CBT: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

What do we really do in CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)? We work with our thoughts. Every once in a while we have a hot thought- our body gets ridden with painful feelings that feeds our hot thoughts further, that leads to more painful feelings and the cycle goes on. And then as the day goes by eventually our mind feeds into something new and we start feeling better. But we don't need to wait for the hot thoughts to disappear over time or as a function of an external stimulus. We need to intervene intentionally and proactively to change them and show them the light.

CBT is a way of training our minds. We don't wait for the hot thought to go away by itself, we do an intervention with an intentional practice. So let's imagine we are having a bad day and we fall into this loop of negative beliefs, thoughts and feelings that give us no escape. We take out our journal and start writing down-

1. Our hot thought ('I am afraid of getting drowned during swimming'),

2. The belief it is working off of ('I am too thin, buoyancy wont work on me'),

And then the practice of bringing in the intervention-

3. The alternative balanced thought ('Is this really true, I was able to do kicks pretty well a few years back, do I just need to practice more? Maybe I am thinking too much!').

Now we need to remember that this balanced thought is purely based on observation- so we question our hot thought as we jot down the balanced thought. As we keep journaling and exploring the balanced thought we get one step closer to truth and find that something has changed inside us. Now the hot thought is still there albeit with spec of doubt. Although a small change- its worth noticeable. As we explore our feelings again we see that those along with the hot thought are not so powerful.

A small ray of hope arises with every practice. And practice makes perfect!

Advanced Belief Experiment

If you are comfortable with CBT now or already have enough practice try this advanced experiment. You already noted down your hot thoughts, belief and balanced thoughts about something that makes you uncomfortable like swimming (above example). Now you plan an experiment - Go ahead and do it (go for a swim!) but this time you keep your objectivity hat on. Now note your thoughts and emotions again as you are swimming. Was the reality of swimming as bad as you thought? Are your hot thoughts still working?

Going back to the above passage if you tried CBT (following the 'PRACTICE CBT-i' button above right) and now want to challenge your belief for the earlier negative thought cycle try the 'PRACTICE CBT-ii' button below in Practice Suggestions.

Try CBT online

Try CBT for the first time here-

Practice CBT- (i)

Practice Suggestions

Time yourself

It is good practice to time yourself when you work on the mind. Sometimes the hot thoughts are too strong and can affect our willingness to sit through our practice.

Practice Frequently in the beginning

To get accustomed to the practice and to appreciate the value it is advisable to practice frequently enough until you feel the work feels like a flow. But if it feels rocky don't lose heart. It's even better because then you are working on courage and determination.

Practice CBT- (ii)

Working towards acceptance

From Change to Acceptance: Using ACT (Acceptance Commitment Therapy)

While in CBT we work on changing our thoughts by challenging our beliefs and hence the hot or erroneous thoughts arising from them, ACT helps us works on our acceptance. Instead of "changing" our attitudes we work on "accepting" our attitudes as a constantly evolving part of our selves that arises as a conglomeration of thoughts, emotions and actions. For practicing ACT at the web platform click on the button below-

SatiApp

acceptance and commitment therapy

The six principles

Acceptance

Acceptance of thoughts and feelings and behaviors as they are is an important principle of Acceptance Commitment Therapy. We are strengthening our practice of observation and acceptance, and proactively not rolling in the misery of reaction. We don't intend any change in our thoughts when they arise but we accept them as a mind or body phenomenon just arising in us- and when discomfort arises within us we accept that as well- in the moment. This also does mean that we dont do anything about it. We always do proactive action that makes our life experience more joyful- but in the moment when something arises we dont resist or react any more. We are building a non judgemental attitude towards ourselves, neither are we digging into the why's or the reasoning behind it.

Cognitive Defusion

Cognitive defusion refers to seeing things as they are- like: thoughts are just thoughts, feelings are just feelings. They are not us and we don't identify with them.

Present Moment

Ancient wisdom says that being in the present moment brings happiness. Not being attached to past and future liberates us from the pain and suffering. There are many methods and meditation practices that help us be in the present moment- which use different objects like breath, mantra, walking or even sound to focus the mind.

Self-as-Context

A part of our mind can always be an observer irrespective of whatever we are going through and whatever thoughts, feelings or beliefs we have.

Values

We all live by some values. And we have to accept that not doing so gives us misery. When we cannot be ourselves, we are unable to find happiness. Some values are strong in us and some are still to be worked on- but they define our existence. We need to be true to ourselves at all times. Value-centered living also shifts the focus from "I" to a "set of principles" that the value defines and helps in looking at things with perspective.

Commitment

To do all this needs a lot of discipline and starts with a commitment to ourselves.

Cognitive Approach- CBT

Rain, Umbrella and CBT

I am walking outside and it starts raining. I start feeling frustrated and negative thoughts begin, "I hate that its raining. I am getting wet. Now I need to take out the umbrella from my heavy bag" and the cycle begins. Then I remember that I should practice CBT and not roll into my thoughts. I think of the belief that is underlying my frustration- "Everything will go wrong if it rains and I get wet". Then I see the exaggeration in the belief and question it by balanced thoughts- "I may only get a little wet, taking out the umbrella is necessary - it may cause a momentary ache but that'll be all". Then my better mood returns.

Acceptance Approach- ACT

Rain, Umbrella and ACT

Instead of changing my feelings or questioning my thoughts or beliefs, I now simply accept my being and become ready to merely witness what is arising in me- thoughts, feelings, actions- without judging them. "I accept this state of being, I accept that I am complaining, I accept the drenched feeling, I accept the pain feeling"- we can repeat this affirmation once to start the cycle of acceptance. Then as we keep walking we may or may not take out the umbrella. We accept our dislike for rain, for getting drenched in rain, feeling anxious ("I feel anxious if I am walking in rain because I believe the worst will happen"), etc.

Acceptance takes us the closest to truth. Truth in itself is liberating- We are who we are. We don't react to our self. Our self is constantly changing. We accept the stream of emotions, thoughts and feelings that are arising in us.

Distraction Alternatives

Phone a Friend

Sometimes we may find immediate acceptance and observation difficult. In that case we do self-therapy as and when we can digging into the roots of our beliefs while working on our balanced thoughts; as we keep getting hot thoughts and painful feelings intermittently we try our best to accept them.

If being with the mind or feelings is very challenging we may try wholesome physical actions- walking, working with plants, running, yoga or recreational activities like cooking or listening to music or watching TV. Otherwise distracting ourselves by 'Phone a friend' is always an alternative- anything that keeps us from falling into or rolling in harmful beliefs.

OBSERVING THINGS AS THEY ARE

Being close to truth

Three aspects of truth or reality are wholeness, correctness and timelessness. Ancient wisdom says witnessing this with a clearly observing mind- right view- liberates us from suffering. We are always observing, interpreting or predicting something using the tool of our mind. How well we see depends upon how sharp the tool is. For the right observer, he or she would see all the co-existing realities as a whole and ignore the importance of giving any valuation to them.

Practices like mindfulness, observation of breath and Insight meditation teach us concentration and how to be sharply observant of present realities without reacting. More on these in the "Mind and Body" section.

BEING TRUE to OUR Values

Using our values as a compass

We all need to be ourselves, wholly with our thoughts and feelings- despite how miserable we might be, unconditionally and compassionately accepting our being and witnessing the realities within us.

Truth is a core value in all human existence. Without truth our mind remains clouded with beliefs that are impossible to escape from. Only awareness- the knowledge of truth in the moment has the capacity to liberate us. As we practice truthful observation from moment to moment we get rid of our biases, become self-aware and let the happiness within us arise. However, remaining committed to the task of seeking truth or happiness needs a companion. Exploring truth when things around us are so blurred, digging inside our deeply rooted beliefs and emotions- that can't be easy. How can we practice such determination? Where do we build the courage to do it?

We need things that sustains us from time to time- joy in things and the support of loved ones. We may find it in material things or spiritual things- sometimes just good food and togetherness does it, sometimes it's gardening or art, sometimes it's simply concentration, and sometimes it is counting all the good things we have received in this life so far and feeling grateful. The secret is that we have to keep at it- generating what some call 'flow'.

An exercise

Interested in doing an exercise on values? Here is a practice form-

My Values

Accepting our thoughts, emotions and the whole self

Whatever our thoughts and emotions in the moment and whatever 'I' they define of us, we have to accept them sooner or later. The farther we are from our realities, the more pain we are carrying within us knowingly or unknowingly.

Be HappyFull

Activity I: Happyfull jars

Our minds need a balance in our emotional, mental, physical, social, spiritual and material areas to be happy. If we are not satisfied we feel limited.

Activity- Take the Wellness Wheel survey to get a sense of how you are doing in all these areas of your life. Then do the following Health check regularly.

Get 6 glass jars and enough marbles to fill them up (if possible in 6 different colors). If you can't find marbles you can use Indian pulses or beans or even mentos. Let each jar represent one of the six areas, mark the jars as 'spiritual', 'physical', etc. Start with your initial survey results and fill up your jars- if for example you are already doing 50% well in the Physical wellness part- fill the jar with marbles up to half. As you keep making progress in each area now on, drop a marble of that color in the jar and monitor how you are doing. When the jar is full you know you are doing well in that area, feel happy, celebrate. When it's empty or half-full just know that more needs to be done to be happy.

Use this activity as a health check on where we have abundance in life and where we are lacking.

Relieve Stress

Activity II: Stress balls

If you are feeling so stressed out that you can feel it in your body do the following-

If you have a readymade stress ball, use it otherwise find a small pouch bag like this or borrow one. Pour rice in it to fill it up. Tie the ends or zip up depending upon your bag. Make sure the bag is not bigger than the size of your palms. Now use it as a stress ball.

Activity-

0. Stand straight and hold the bag in your palm,

1. Breathe in while counting 1,2,3,4,5; clutch the bag in your palm; Feel the sensations; Imagine all your stress going out through bag

2. Breathe out counting 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8; release the hold on the bag; feel the sensations, Imagine you are free from stress or pain.

3. Repeat a few times.

If you like you can alternate between the two hands. You can also stand on it one feet at a time.

You can also use clay if you have none of the above.

Take Action

Activity III: JUST DO IT

Sometimes when we fear something we just have to do it. Doing it shows us the real reality (not our imagination, assumptions or predictions) and immediately brings us to the present. Even if while doing, some our mind is cluttered by thoughts, some of it is always focused in NOW. That's the secret of happiness.

What else does doing give us? Confidence. Doing or action leads to confidence. (ps: It doesn't necessarily matter if we meet success or not - we just focus on doing the action). So pick up your favorite book on a self -development topic... if you have a list of books you are like me. And yes I have always imagined doing the things mentioned in the book but not always carried through. A few books on my list- "Feel the fear and do it anyways", "Running from safety" and "Daring greatly".

Pick a random to do activity from the book and just do it. Share it with us! I'll start with a small walk in the park for the future goal of 'Hike in the Himalayas'. The main goal of our Cognitive Therapy App- Sati App (http://satiapp.com) is also to test our 'fear theories' or 'destructive beliefs'. As the wise ones have said it before, the only thing to fear is fear itself!

How therapy can help-